Been eons since I put up stuff in this place, I was gonna write this a few weeks ago but I just didn’t have the time….perhaps I was just lazy.
Disclaimer:
This is a weak attempt at blogging/story telling and I don’t give two flying gbenshes(as I can’t use the fuck word…shit I just used it) what y’all think about it. Any semblance to characters living, dead, reincarnated or in limbo is no coincidence. Animals were hurt during the writing of this post as research has to be done on the juju aspect. Most importantly, this is a true life story and I’m willing to sell the sole rights to 2 major tv networks Africa magic hausa and Hi-Nolly. BBC couldn’t meet up with the requirements for the script so I bounced them. All grammatical blunders are mine, if your IQ is way below 50 (this is sub #YouKnowWhoYouAre) do not attempt to correct me. Thanks in advance as you read, comment and share the post.
The evil that men do.
Shepe FC, one of the top football clubs in the world was just acquired by an oil magnate, Alhaji Chairman Oluomo I of the whole AdugboLand. Oluomo didn’t have anything to do with his wealth and was tired of playing football manager on his PC and thought to himself “why not play this bloody game in reality”. Determined to get the best players all over the world. He hired the best coach in the whole wide world Oshey Murainah to handle the affairs of the club who then sent scouts all around the world to get the best talents money can buy.
Ndidi, a rugged 23 year old (football age, actual age is 31) african footballer plying his trade in the local leagues for Awon Eleyi FC was having the best season of his career and caught the eyes of many a scout. Unknown to them, Ndidi was doing jass and demons (aka juju) as he was backed up by the illest jass-man in the whole of Ijebu land Baba Ayamatanga aka Baba-Aya (ask OSU people, he never fails). Ndidi heard of the scouting and asked Baba Aya to arrange him jass, Baba asked him to bring the toe-nail of a mosquito, the right index finger of a snail and Piers Morgan’s BB pin. A daunting task but a man gotta do what he gotta do.
Ndidi was eventually picked by the Shepe FC scouts and joined as their top striker. It was a dream come true and he sorted Baba Aya generously as he joined his new team. Baba Aya gave him a magic soap which advised him to use before every match he played. The soap sure did magic as he banged in 41goals in 36 matches in his 1st season. There was a downside to the potency of the soap though, none of his team members must use it. The repercussions were not spelt to him, yet he was very careful.
4 seasons went by, Shepe FC won everything except the eluded champions league despite Ndidi’s usual season average of 42 goals. Oluomo got tired and fired Coach Murainah. He fired 3 more coaches in a span of 3weeks as they all lost their 1st games in charge. He then hired Mr. Oga who won his first 13games in charge. Mr Oga decided to get new players in the team as he identified positions that needed competition in the team. Ndidi didn’t expect to have any competition, Oga thought otherwise and bought Fernando Tosibe, a world class striker from Spain as his competition.
Fernando was an instant wonder as he started banging in goals for shepe FC as a sub. Ndidi felt his spot was threatened and decided to deal with the situation in his usual diabolical manner. A visit to Baba Aya should do the trick.
He secretly stole Fernando’s boots which he took back to Baba Aya, who in turn used it to capture Fernando Tosibe’s destiny after calling him 3times in the middle of the night, waking the neighbours in the process. His destiny was kept in a calabash and given to Ndidi.
3 months went by and Fernando stopped scoring, he even missed a golden opportunity to score a sitter against their fierce riavals, Eje Pupa FC. Fatkubu Ayeogbeni would have been proud of the miss. He wasn’t even scoring with the madam at home as the spell made him totally impotent. Ndidi kept getting the nod ahead of him. At this point Fernando had lost all hope……he even resorted to wanking as he couldn’t get it up with madam……One Saturday evening after a match with their fierce rivals BabamiLopa FC, which they won by 5-2 with Ndidi banging in all 5goals, he headed to the locker room, took a shower and forgot his magic soap. Fernando warmed the bench for that encounter….dejected, he also went to the locker room to wank….Alas! there was no lotion nor soap, till he saw the soap laying down on the floor which he picked and got on with his programme……boy did he let out a load! He got home that night, rejuvenated and gave his wife the gbenshing of her life too, it was as if he took 4pills of viagra washed down with 2 big bottles of udeme
Strange things started happening to Ndidi on and off the pitch as the result of the magic soap he lost….Fernando on the other hand became a super-sub and later became a 1st team player as he rediscovered his form which we all know disappeared diabolically……………………
dammnit, i’m tired….use ya imagination end the story….Good always trump evil ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
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THE END…..Call Police
I hope i get to write again……
P.S.
I miss ALCOHOL
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